31.8.06

Would you believe it? My celebrity lurve match is Louise Redknapp!

I have been doing a little seduction experiment with Christina Aguilera and Louise Redknapp so I thought I would continue my self exploration via psychology tests with Who is your celebrity lurve match? I only ended up being matched to Louise Redknapp didn’t I? Now that’s weird. There were nine other options – but none of them were Christina Aguilera. My result is below, but before my Amanda Peet experience, I would definitely been matched with Kate Winslet.

Louise Redknapp

We’ve all fancied a pop star, maybe even had them up on our bedroom wall – on a poster obviously – but the sleazy Britney image probably doesn’t do it much for you. The ever-lovely Louise with her girl-next-door charm is much more up your street.

After all the only time she wore a school uniform was when she was studying for her GCSE’s and we bet she didn’t spend much time behind the bike sheds. You wouldn’t want to hit Louise one more time, she wouldn’t be into anything kinky, just perhaps some satin sheets, or maybe some al fresco sex in a field, or…Right, enough of that, what we’re trying to say is that Louise would be your perfect celebrity lurve match as you both radiate have an edge of an innocent sex appeal, a wholesome pleasure in a polluted world.

We’re not saying that you’re both as healthy as Bran Flakes; we know that Louise is as naughty as the next girl when she wants to be and so do her scores of male fans. This is why she continues to score so well in those top 100 sexiest women charts. Maybe it’s the way she claims to feel naked with her clothes on, but whatever her secret we think that with a bit of luck she could find herself stuck in the middle with you.


Kate Winslet

One will be pleased to know that as you have the right social airs and graces so there will be no chance of a thorny encounter one’s celebrity lurve match is with Kate, your English a real English rose.

And with the lovely Kate Winslet there’s no chance of a thorny encounter. However, she’s not just bloomin’ gorgeous, she’s also blessed with brains and ambition so congratulations on having the all important social skills to breaking her code. We bet you feel like the King of the World! Just in case you’re getting a sinking feeling we should point out that Kate is no wet fish as she’s starred in an assortment of bodice rippers.

Not bad for someone who used to be called Blubber and who used to be locked in the art-room cupboard at school. Still this held no fear for Kate as she made her TV debut dancing alongside the Honey Monster. Oh, what you wouldn’t give to paint your expressive desires with her in a confined space! We bet it’s her plumy English accent and her sense of derring doderring-do that attracts you to her and why not? Bring on the strawberries and cream, the Pimms and lemonade and the cucumber sandwiches (not to mention a lettuce salad, iceberg of course) as you enjoy the finer arts of croquet, real tennis, or even blasting the guts out of anything that moves in the well tended, rolling countryside. You’ve got the potential to be a true upper class reveller through and through and Kate is the perfect posh totty.

24.8.06

Christina Aguilera is interested in me now I’ve given her the cold shoulder

I love it when a plan comes together! Christina Aquilera has completely changed her attitude to me since I have been flirting with Louise Redknapp instead of her. She smiles at me when I walk through her office area and obviously wants me to come over. She even emailed me today to ask why I never stop for a chat anymore. It certainly makes a change from me doing all the legwork – especially as she certainly has the legs for it.

Even better, Louise is also very receptive to me. She loves the way I’m focusing on her more disguised charms rather than Christina’s distinctly unsubtle ones. So I seem to have developed a win-win situation for myself. The question is – will I manage to make it a win-win-win situation and actually seduce one of them? I call it a win-win-win as technically I win because I beat the social politics, then I win again because of the sex part, and of course one of Christina and Louise would win as they get to have sex too!

10.8.06

Why you should never go for the obvious woman

I was reminded of the film A Beautiful Mind today. Remember the part when John Nash gets the inspiration for his game theory? He’s in the bar with his mates when a group of women enter and one of them is completely stunning. The lads start bantering about which of them has got a chance with this gorgeous woman with the general gist that the competition between the men is good for the group as a whole.

However Nash realises that the plan is flawed if the group want the best outcome. If they all hit on the stunner and then move onto the other women when they are rejected, they are insulting the other women who will turn down their advances. Nash reasoned that by ignoring the obvious woman and going for the other women the men stood their best chance of getting laid, as they will make the other women feel very special.

What he (or the film) left out was that the stunner would feel left out and would be more likely to approach one of the lads. A result in itself!

This is now my new plan, I am ignoring Christina Aguilera, well, I’ll just acknowledge her politely, while making a play for Louise Redknapp. I’m hoping this will make Louise feel special and make Christina more likely to approach me. Clever eh? I’ll find out soon…

8.8.06

Am I doomed in my attempt to change my type of woman?

Some time ago I explained how Amanda Peet had helped to point out my fixation on snotty totty with a definite game plan for their boyfriends. Since then I’ve tried to shake up my normal inclinations and have dallied with a Christina Aguilera and a Louise Redknapp type.

But can you simply switch type? It seems not as I took the Who’s your type? test and even though I tried to answer the questions with an open frame of mind I still ended up with:

Your type is the Glamourina

Looking for a girl you can spoil? Buy a fab new suit and go for the Glamourina — she'll appreciate every chivalrous gesture and expensive bling you shower upon her. She adores gourmet dinners and prefers to have a first-class lifestyle. Okay, so perhaps she can be high-maintenance at times, but just being around her will make you feel like the world revolves around you. Witty and sophisticated, she always lights up a room. Count on her to know the hottest spots to eat, drink, and be merry - and of course, you'll never have to wait in a queue to get in. She's knows "everyone". Her refined manner, polished appearance, and classy style keep you coming back for more. Your princess will be the envy of all your mates. With her on your arm, you'll see Prince Charming grinning back at you every time you look in the mirror.


I want to change towards the girl next door type of Louise Redknapp:

Your type is the girl next door

Cute, fun, and sweet, your ideal girl is just a stone's throw away - she's the girl next door. She's Sandra Bullock, Billie Piper, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one. Naturally pretty rather than glamorous, she's unpretentious and generous. She loves animals and children, and is great with both. You're attracted to her strong values and traditional ways. Although she demands great respect, she's not particularly high-maintenance. Her ideal date is more likely to be dinner and a film than heading out for a night on the town. She's careful yet spontaneous - a bit of the guy's girl, a bit of a cover girl (the nice kind), and just a hint of the hippie chick. But she's got an appeal that's all her own, which is why you can't stay away. Her winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature make you want to hold on tight and never let go.


But it all sounds a bit cutsie to me. And the bad girl Christina Aguilera type always looks good for a one night stand:

Your type is the bad girl

No prim and proper sort for you. You like your women a bit jaded and experienced; in a word - bad. When you watch "Grease," you're the type who roots for Rizzo, not Sandy (at least, not until she puts on those hot pants and grabs that cigarette). Your ideal girl has been there and done that, and she's not afraid of motorcycles. She stays out late, loves to party, and will never say no to a good time. Quite the risk-taker yourself, you want a woman who can equal your sense of adventure and spontaneity. She's tough on the outside, but she'll melt around the right bloke. That suits you just fine - you don't want a girl who needs high emotional maintenance. You're looking for a sharp-minded, rebellious partner who knows how to let loose. Grab the next bad girl you meet and let her bring out your wild side.


Now where do I find a woman that has all of these attributes…? Answers on the back of a condom box please!

7.8.06

Should I battle to seduce Christina Aguilera or go for Louise Redknapp?

Some boozy nights out are fun, some are interesting. This weekend was a mixture of both as it appears that Christina Aguilera seems to enjoy having a fan club. If there wasn’t so much aftershave mingling with ciggie smoke in the pub on Saturday night it would have just smelt of testosterone. I got to see a whole different side of a lot of people from work that I previously barely knew, but they all had the same agenda – to get Christina Aguilera in bed.

This whole ‘project’ of trying to seduce Christina was to develop an interest in a different type of women, but sexy as Christina undoubtedly is, I’m not sure I want to try and play the alpha male game and chest thump my way to the top of the hierarchy for my chance with the queen bee.

Why am I so sure of this? It took a while but about an hour before closing I noticed a certain lady in the group who was happy to stay in the shadows of the group while Christina Aguilera vamped it up. She’s the sort of girl you would describe as pretty with a neat bob hair cut and twinkling eyes and cute dimples when she smiled. Then she got up to go to the loo and I realised that while Christina is happy to brave the extra short skirt and the super tight top and wonder bra, this other girl is packing the perfect body without making a song and dance about it.

So now it’s official. I’m changing tracks and my new mission is the cute, softly spoken type – most especially the girl in question who I will now refer to as Louise Redknapp.

4.8.06

I had to squeeze past Christina Aguilera in the stationary cupboard!

Talk about a cliché but I found myself cosseted in a stationary cupboard with Christina Aguilera . Of course it was carefully planned after some covert surveillance to pick the right time to waltz through her department and just casually decide that I need another notepad.

I went for the ‘my department is so boring compared to yours’ routine and she said that I ought to pop round their way more often. Even better, she invited me out over the weekend with the rest of her crowd. Result!

I’d better go as I’m posting this at work and had better not get caught at it…

2.8.06

I’m planning to seduce Christina Aguilera!

There’s a girl in another department at work who reminds me of Christina Aguilera, she’s dressing to impress from a sexual rather than a business perspective and is currently favouring a look involving short skirts and tight tops. It’s not the type I usually go for, but Amanda Peet has shown me that my preference for strong-willed snotty totty does not lead to healthy relationships.

I’ve engineered a few ‘chance’ meetings and she knows who I am and is impressed by my job – which is more than my ex was – so we’ll see if she plays dirty and lets me release the voice within or stays pure and beautiful.

Okay, that’s enough song title puns for now…