Love me, love my belly fluff
There are a number of curses for the male approaching his thirties. Not only does hair sprout out of unsightly places, your belly button accumulates enough fluff to fill a king-size duvet.
The mysterious appearance of this downy delight was one of those unexplained mysteries akin to the sock-eating monster that always leaves one odd sock, why women always nick chips off your plate and that irrepressible urge to fart after sex. Perhaps the last one only happens to me.
Anyway, at last one of these mysteries is close to being solved thanks to an online ‘belly button lint survey.’ The phrase ‘belly button lint’ seems a very grand description for such an unwelcome accumulation, but it does have the tasty acronym BBL.
This scientific investigation involved 4,799 people who answered a variety of questions about their belly button habitat. 66 per cent of these people claimed to be blessed with BBL and it appears that men gather more impressive quantities than women, an achievement that increases with age. They also came to the logical conclusion that you need an ‘innie’ belly button to be able to collect a decent wad.
Following on from some enterprising shaving experiments, the survey also tested the ‘snail trail theory,’ a cunning piece of advanced science involving upwardly mobile pubic hair and a razor. The idea is that fluff, or if you want to be posh, lint, from clothes is ratcheted up the line of pubic hair betwixt genitals and navel by continual clothing contact. Some people managed to turn their belly buttons into barren wastelands by shaving off their snail trail, an act no doubt much appreciated by their partners.
Although this razor wizardry does not work for everybody, it does appear that either the snail trail, or hair around the navel has a role in directing fluff to its gentle resting place. So now you can banish BBL with a razor if your partner complains about you digging it out before jumping into bed, (it may not be the most romantic gesture, but it’s better than leaving it there). If your partner refuses to comply, simply brandish the razor whilst he, or even she, is safely asleep – just remember to keep your eyebrows covered in future in case they seek revenge.
Another way of reducing your BBL is to lose the beer belly, as it appears that a rotund stomach has a larger belly button with more capacity for fluff. However, not everyone wants to lose their BBL. It creates an extra layer of insulation and you can always pass the time by monitoring any colour changes. If you find any colour other than blue-grey then rejoice in your BBL, as just like the obligatory carrots appearance in human vomit, the BBL is always blue–grey.
The mysterious appearance of this downy delight was one of those unexplained mysteries akin to the sock-eating monster that always leaves one odd sock, why women always nick chips off your plate and that irrepressible urge to fart after sex. Perhaps the last one only happens to me.
Anyway, at last one of these mysteries is close to being solved thanks to an online ‘belly button lint survey.’ The phrase ‘belly button lint’ seems a very grand description for such an unwelcome accumulation, but it does have the tasty acronym BBL.
This scientific investigation involved 4,799 people who answered a variety of questions about their belly button habitat. 66 per cent of these people claimed to be blessed with BBL and it appears that men gather more impressive quantities than women, an achievement that increases with age. They also came to the logical conclusion that you need an ‘innie’ belly button to be able to collect a decent wad.
Following on from some enterprising shaving experiments, the survey also tested the ‘snail trail theory,’ a cunning piece of advanced science involving upwardly mobile pubic hair and a razor. The idea is that fluff, or if you want to be posh, lint, from clothes is ratcheted up the line of pubic hair betwixt genitals and navel by continual clothing contact. Some people managed to turn their belly buttons into barren wastelands by shaving off their snail trail, an act no doubt much appreciated by their partners.
Although this razor wizardry does not work for everybody, it does appear that either the snail trail, or hair around the navel has a role in directing fluff to its gentle resting place. So now you can banish BBL with a razor if your partner complains about you digging it out before jumping into bed, (it may not be the most romantic gesture, but it’s better than leaving it there). If your partner refuses to comply, simply brandish the razor whilst he, or even she, is safely asleep – just remember to keep your eyebrows covered in future in case they seek revenge.
Another way of reducing your BBL is to lose the beer belly, as it appears that a rotund stomach has a larger belly button with more capacity for fluff. However, not everyone wants to lose their BBL. It creates an extra layer of insulation and you can always pass the time by monitoring any colour changes. If you find any colour other than blue-grey then rejoice in your BBL, as just like the obligatory carrots appearance in human vomit, the BBL is always blue–grey.
posted by Jonny P at 11:32 AM
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